Donnie Apted is a multi- service retired veteran. The son of a Viet Nam veteran, Donnie began his military career in the Navy and finished it with the GA Army National Guard. He deployed to Iraq with 878th Engineer Battalion in 2003 – 2004. He struggled with PTSD for several years before taking part in a research study of Mindfulness as a treatment for war-related PTSD. Donnie and wife Kari are the parents of two boys. Kari is a writer whose work is featured in the book, Operation Homecoming, which was made into a documentary film, Muse of Fire. Donnie, an artist, is the Webmaster for VHG.
By Alison Lighthall, RN, MS
(Former Captain in the US Army Nurse Corps)
Founder, HAND2HAND CONTACT
Weeping and waiting
Welcoming and worrying
You are not only spouses and parents, the “officially recognized” family, you are also the grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, as well as the girlfriends and boyfriends and fiances of those who have gone to fight war.
You sent them to war and wept, and waited. You welcomed them home and then began to worry that something was not quite right. And you tried everything you knew to do to fix it. Sometimes that was enough. Sometimes, not. They are forever changed because of their experience in war–whether it has been fighting in combat or not.
Families can be ripped apart during war and afterward, and affected for many generations. War deaths, catastrophic wounds, separation and divorce wreak havoc and chaos on society.
There is a distinct part and place for each of you in the life of the returning/returned Vet. And there is a unique place for you in the life of your community and your nation.
During the next few months and years we at Veteran’s Heart Georgia will be sharing with you what we have learned, what we know, and what we want to do to insure that you are supported before, during and after deployment of your loved one.
And it doesn’t matter how many years have gone by since the return from deployment. This is about veterans and families from all wars, even generations ago.
Going beyond putting yellow ribbon magnets on our vehicles, sending cookies and care packages, beyond “Thank you for your service”…
Some of the oldest stories from all cultures are about those who are called to preserve and protect what is SACRED to them: the safety of the community, the country, their people. This a reciprocal relationship. But what if the reciprocity is incomplete? Are we in the community holding up our end of the bargain?
How can citizens truly support and help heal our Veterans from the invisible wounds of war?
While we are at the grocery store, or texting a friend, or watching a ballgame, attending religious services or taking a shower, someone in our military is in harm’s way, being subjected to unrelenting stress, and perhaps being wounded or killed. And not all of the wounds are visible. It is estimated that at least 30% of returning Veterans–thousands– will meet the criteria for combat stress injury, PTSD. But none will return unchanged. Our country is at war.
The invisible wounds are those of the spirit, the identity, the very soul, that are created when a person is wounded by what he or she has experienced…witnessed…had to do…lost. We all can participate in acknowledging these wounds, giving them honor and dignity.
As they who protect and guard us are being wounded, so too are we citizens. Our entire country is at war. By ministering to the wounds of our Veterans, we can tend and help heal the wounds of our nation and our society.
Citizens can tend the wounds by being ready to receive our veterans, providing and assuring that our communities feel like a safe place to come home to. We can create a culture of compassion in which healing can take root. This can be done in many ways, but one of the most profound is in truly hearing the stories of the experiences of those who have returned from war, listening deeply to the pain and the suffering without turning away. As we engage in this kind of hearing and deep listening, we can begin to transfer and share the burdens and responsibility for actions taken during warfare.
“Our Veterans cannot heal unless society accepts responsibility for its war-making. To the Veteran, our leaders and people must say, ‘You did this in our name, because you were subject to our orders, and because we put you in untenable situations. We lift the burden of your actions from you and take it onto our shoulders. We are responsible for you…’ “-Edward Tick
We cannot continue with business as usual. We must actively engage in healing our Veterans so that all of us can heal.
MAGGOTS AND GOLD
Create a village as strong as a war
To pick the maggots off my skin
And burnish the gold that lies within
This will renew the strength of my sacred core.
Can we create a village as strong as a war?
JACK McLEAN USMC, Vietnam Veteran
Yes, we can.
Join us at the monthly Just Listening circle meetings to participate in the kind of healing that only the community of those who are protected and guarded can provide.
AND PLEASE CONTACT US AND JOIN US TO LEARN OF THE MANY OTHER WAYS
YOUCAN HELP
Virtually every single person in our society has been affected by war. Almost everyone has a personal story or a family member who has been damaged by war. We all live with the legacy of war’s trauma, and we are affected by war in ways most of us are not even conscious of.
-Andy Himes, producer, Voices in Wartime
We at Veteran’s Heart Georgia are seeking to identify healing professionals and clergy who are devoted to helping heal our Veterans and their families. Very special people will answer this call. There must be a willingness to “sit in the fire” with people who are suffering that may be beyond what many of us are accustomed to. Not everyone can do this work. Training and experience in trauma work is desirable, and willingness to learn about combat stress injury (PTSD) is very important.
We are especially interested in hearing from people trained and experienced in working with children and adolescents, as we move to meet the needs of couples and families. Eventually we will be looking for group leaders and workshop leaders/trainers and psychoeducation teachers.
Veteran’s Heart Georgia is committed to enhancing the skills of healing professionals and in 2008 and 2009, we sponsored and created training workshops. The last of these for 2009, titled “Our Turn To Serve: Ethical Issues, Community Transitions, War-related PTSD and Justice”, is December 4. See the homepage for the link to more information and registration.
On January 29, 2010, Edward Tick will join us for a full day, inspiring all of us in our participation as citizens and professionals in healing and bring our veterans all the way home.
February 25-28 is the Soldiers Heart Veterans Healing Retreat led by Ed Tick, in Dahlonega. Complete details will be available soon!
Other resources to augment the professional’s knowledge base include:
The Coming Home Project, www.ComingHomeProject.net, has a Training Library with excellent video presentations. We highly recommend the series by John Briere, and the program on Military Culture. The recent program, “Working With Children in Military Families” will be available online soon.
We periodically send email announcements concerning continuing education. Click on Join Us on the homepage, and provide your contact information to be included in future emailings.
Many professionals will be needed to carry out our mission of healing the wounds of war. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN EXPLORING YOUR PLACE IN THIS HEALING WORK, PLEASE CONTACT US, JOIN US.
*****
I held out my hands & asked where I could help & somebody grabbed me & pointed me towards the future & said, You’ve got your work cut out for you & I said, isn’t there anything easier? & he laughed & said you could dig around in the past but it’s just busywork & that made perfect sense so I shrugged & started right where I was, along with everyone else
-Brian Andreas, www.storypeople.com
What if PTSD was regarded NOT as a mental disorder, but as a natural and inevitable effect of having been at war?
What if PTSD was NOT regarded as a shameful sign of weakness, hidden for many years and not talked about?
************
You slept with a gun under your pillow for years after your return from Viet Nam. Maybe you still do. Of course.
You plunged into deep sadness and depression for years after Somalia, or Korea, or the first Gulf War, or WWII. And at times you have come very close to suicide to escape the suffering. Of course.
You have experienced anger that goes from frustration and irritation to rage in a heartbeat since your return from action in Panama, or OIF/OEF. Of course.
You still scan your environment for threats since being downrange. Yep.
You have struggled with intrusive memories, thoughts, flashbacks, and even panic attacks since you have been back. Uh huh.
You have had difficulty with relationships, especially the most intimate ones. Yeah.
You feel separate and different from other people, and lots of times you intentionally isolate yourself. Yep.
And the nightmares, the feelings of helplessness and the fear of even going to sleep. Oh yeah.
And the numbness, not really feeling anything. Yes.
And you have felt the crushing weight of survivor’s guilt, ever since returning alive. Sigh.
And you don’t want to talk about it, “No one understands this”, “No one wants to hear it”, “No one else can stand the pain of hearing it”. So you retreat into yourself, or throw yourself into work, into your career, or just get into your car and drive all night. Done it all.
And maybe you’ve tried drinking and drugging all of this away and it’s still here. Yes.
And you don’t know who you are anymore. Sigh.
And the struggle to forget, avoid and to keep all this under control almost consumes you at times. Yes.
And sometimes it feels like you just got back last night.
You have been at war.
***********
These are signs of the ”diagnosis” of an anxiety and stress disorder, now known as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. In years past it was called battle fatigue, war neurosis, shell shock, or Soldier’s Heart.
You may have a few or a lot of these signs of PTSD.
But look beyond this medical textbook description and you discover that these are indicators of POST TERROR SOUL DISTRESS*. For many it is a natural and inevitable result of having been to war. Most Vets can pinpoint the exact moment they felt a “split” within them. The identity wound. The soul wound. The soul in distress.
You are not crazy, sick, broken or weak. You have been in war, and the things you have seen, heard, done and felt are far outside what most human beings normally experience.
And there is healing. Over time and with determination you can learn to let go of the struggle, to accept, to find forgiveness and reconciliation, to find peace.
You can become a Warrior At Peace, no longer being the wound.
Able to see the mark left by the wound as just a scar that records part of your story.
*see page 100 of War and The Soul
Our hope is that Veteran’s Heart Georgia will be able to provide you with means for healing and resolving the invisible wounds of war; and that through this process you will be able to say: Read the rest of this entry »
When tears come, I breathe deeply and rest.
I know I am swimming in a hallowed stream where many have gone before.
I am not crazy, or having a nervous breakdown….
My heart is at work, my soul is at work.
The role of warrior has a high, noble, and honorable status. In traditional societies, such as our Native Americans, when on the hunt, when camp was being moved, and in times of activity or trouble, it was the warriors who were responsible for making sure all the people were safe and cared for.
A veteran does not become a warrior merely for having gone to war. A veteran becomes a warrior when he or she learns to carry his or her war skills and vision in mature ways. Read the rest of this entry »
You are not who you were before going to war…but
you are not sick, flawed, broken or in need of fixing.
You are expereincing a natural, but painful outcome of having been at war.
This is an invitation to begin the process of changing from “a vet with PTSD”, and move towards being a person who is engaged in healing the wounds of war.
If a veteran makes the difficult inner pilgrimage to discover the sources of the suffering, works hard to give meaning to the wounding, and finds ways to reconcile and forgive, then healing is possible. -Edward Tick
The work of Veteran’s Heart Georgia is to assure that the role and process of warriorhood is understood and honored by citizens, warriors, and their families and loved ones.
For veterans who are women:
We are very aware of your special needs. Please watch this space as we continue developing outreach and programs specifically designed to address your unique experiences.
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